Another day rationing. Another day in the cold and wet. Fishing has not been fruitful. What was I thinking? Promises of better days are a lie in the present. Should I have come on this voyage? We have lost so many. So many.

It is now just the captain and I. I man every station while he steers. We are both exhausted. Worn down to the bone as I see myself shrinking. I have caught him and he has caught me sleeping on the job. Or were we sleepwalking? Dreaming? It all seems like a dream- no- a nightmare that we keep reliving. It all seems hopeless. Our compass is broken. Days.. nights… weeks… months… has it been years? Time hasn’t just stood still in the face of the pale sky – it has broken. I feel I’m coming to a bitter end.

So many times I’ve told others to never stop.. but will I be a hypocrite? It seems every time something good happens the bad comes doubled right after. What I wouldn’t do just to have a glimpse of land…

No. No. NO. NO! I cannot wither here. I have to fight. Fight the hunger. Fight the loss. Fight myself. I have to overcome.

The captain and I have bled for too long. We knew this was a long shot, but we didn’t know how far and how long we would struggle. The ship is on E. I can feel the wood screaming as it slowly splinters. Each creak a complain from the vessel. Each wave pummeling us closer and closer to submission. But the mission persists.

I have to ride this fever dream to its end. I will not succumb to my depression. I will not die in this place. We will ride this ship to the end and we will get what we have been searching for. There is no other way but forward. So forward I will go.

[by First Mate: Bryant Perez]